The best day of my life was realizing that I was faithless.

I believe this discovery establishes many things that I otherwise would never have established about myself. The solemn fact that I never really saw myself feeling I owed my life to something else was a good indication of this change in me. I've always felt regret, and guilt...But never because I felt like I had disappointed 'Him'... Mostly because I knew that those who felt I should feel that way, were expecting me to.

Equally, I've never prayed. I've always felt that change had to come from me, and that 'blessings' were nothing but a useless promise mostly broken. "Send them my blessing.", "I'll pray for you." All these do is put your life in the hands of something even more intangible.

I feel that 'God' was created as a fallback for the unexplainable. If somebody was saved from a nearly impossible situation, it must have been the hand of God. If three torandoes hit the same place at once, and a single child is left in its crib, untouched, it was God's blessing. If there's a terribly sick person who murders and sins, it MUST be a punishment from God. Just because we can't explain it, doesn't mean logical explanations don't exit - they've just not been found. God is not the answer.

Scientific theorums are proved and disproved ALL the time. Though studies are more advanced than from the time of Kepler, it doesn't mean there isn't more that can be discovered. Humanity is imperfect. There will STILL be mysteries in this Universe that will never have had a mathematical or scientific formula pasted to it LONG past the time we disappear from existance... It DOESN'T mean that SOMETHING inhuman, immortal, powerful, and all-knowing put it there. It means that we're small additions to a world of complex compositions and that some forms of knowledge, we're just not meant to possess.

There is a theory that suggests that there are multiple universes at our dispense, hovering and existing merely for the convenience of believing that every mistake we made, every choice we mustered, there was an alternative that would have lead to a completely different life. The butterfly effect.

Yes - If you had done something differently, I'm sure there would have been a completely different outcome. If you had played that song at your grade 5 talent show, you would have been discovered. If you didn't date your highschool sweetheart, you may have gone to a different Univeristy or College, and have married somebody else... But the idea that somebody could be so self centered to think that INFINATE unverses are created and stored in the space of our undefined world - it's crazy. We're talking about chance.

Why would you want to live feeling like you should or could be living another life? There is one.life. What we are is biology. I don't understand why everybody tries to tag philisophical meaning to our existance. We are a cycle, we are objects, we are here. We are born, live our 100 years, and die, decompose, and become part of the carbon cycle, just like the rest of things. Why people try to place meaning in things that are meant to be so simple is beyond me. The fact that humans think we're so beyond everything else here is a blatant display of ignorance.

Don't get me wrong. I love learning about the endless theories surrounding how we got here, what our universe is composed of, what may have been here before, but one thing I have -never- thought is that there were multiple 'me's', living multiple lives, in multiple ways. This is back-tracking us towards Plato's theories of the universe revolving around us... We are NOT the center of everything.

Rant over. Thank you.

It's like constantly being asleep. There's a feeling of dullness, drowsiness, subconcious conciousness and an eagerness to wake up... Or not to wake up. This is how I feel among people in these times. Like a misplaced asset to an inevitably overdrawn and lengthened dream. This is how we are - confined to being tagged along for an already planned out tour of a place we've already seen a million times.

So how many more times are we going to sit around and let it happen? How many more times are we going to close our eyes, and let the government control and lie to us? How many more times are we going to pay for highly overpriced gas? How many more times are we going to leave all of the lights in our houses on, and then complain that our bills are going up, and Global warming MUST be stopped? See, the fact is... We can't do anything about any of it... Because where we're headed, there's already a set outcome.

We've set ourselves up so we NEED cars to get to work, we've set ourselves up so we NEED heating in the winter, we NEED plastic bags for our groceries, we NEED the government to maintain order, we NEED guns to protect ourselves, we NEED bottled water, we NEED cellphones... So many things we NEED, but so little we want to give back. All we do is consume, and in that we, we're being consumed. Consumed by what we NEED and what we WANT. Unfortunately... What we really need is to be saved. CO2 emissions, the slow and painful destruction of our water sources, dependence on material, unessential things.... We're becoming everything early literary figures saw to be a nightmare. Our future being run by robots? This may not be too far-fetched... Because it may be the only way we'll be able to maintain... Humanity is failing desperately at EVERYTHING thus far, as I see it.

 So, throw out your tash, turn off your lights, vote Conservative, don't drink bottled water... And pray to God that you can call yourself a good person before we all perish in a large heap of landfill and McDonalds bags.

 There's always been the debate about the frustrations of the complexity of the female vs. the male mind. I've visited this topic many times with friends, trying, ultimately, to come to some form of conclusion. I think I've found it. Though the female mind can be frustratingly complex, the male mind can be EQUALLY as frustrating. No, not for its complexity... But for its simplicity.

 The fact that the male mind (in some cases - not all) is so frighteningly simple, boggles most on-lookers. This fact alone causes complex FEELINGS about simplicity, causing for people to become confused about the male mind in question, creating feelings of misunderstanding that can be mistaken for depth. No. It is not because the male mind is complex - but because the idea of the male mind being so simple is complex to us. It is my belief that this is the reason for so many miscommunications between the genders. Maybe. 

 I've spent 18 years now, building my life around a central point. A certain place, certain people, certain goals... But taking a step back to look logically at the circumstances, it seems a tad silly - building my life AROUND something. I'm expected to have goals, standards, expectations... But if these things don't meet the criteria for what OTHERS define as success, then I am on no track at all.

 Sometimes it seems more logical to strip everything that I've built and start from scratch - Find a way to put myself into the center of things that make me happy, and make me feel accomplished, rather than throwing myself all over the place trying to find a median for things. In reality, it doesn't work like that. The place, the people, the goals I've made for myself are stuck with me, and are riddled with expectation.

Solution? One-way ticket to Mexico.