Let me know when you lose the air to save your breath.

I'd like to be tangled
So straight-edged, narrated
My means are forthright and predetermined
Let it be strangled, twisted
Wrinkled, like the lines on your face
That used to smile, once.

I'd like to be face-to-face
Be able to flood the feeling
Instead of drowning in ink, and discarded paper
Words are a waste and cheap
I'm broke in poverty -a child without a home
That used to smile, once.

So our losses are weighed
So weightless and bare
Forward motion brings us here
Fated to bring peace to our buried inconsistencies
Worried, like the expression on your face
We used to smile. 

So, I'm convinced that I'm happy. However, I need, need, need, need, NEED to find a good job. I need to save up enough money to be able to go to school (again) next year. Or at least to support my traveling dream when I throw my education down the tubes again. (Kididng.)

But nothing much is new. Have been cleaning like a demon, setting up the house. Met a new guy here who has showed me around town and made a great effort to keep in contact with me and see me as much as possible. It's been nice. I want to get involved in the gym around here, but I haven't found one yet. I will continue my epic search... Tomorrow... After I sleep.

Hope everyone is doing well! Oh! I have personal gossip, but I shall save that for the next entry, for again, I am tired. Miss you guys!

It's not really that we don't get along, more that we don't agree on much. He wants to sit in the shade, I want to sit with the moon. You know, the kind of things that shouldn't really matter, but just make you wonder how you ever agreed long enough to establish a friendship. He never finds something to look for and I never find what I'm looking for - you'd think that somehow we'd help each other, balance each other other out enough to make some form of progress in our lives. But we were always the kind of friends that would sit side-by-side, not saying a word.

When he closes his eyes, I know that we're safe. 

Hold in that breath
To savor words, unexpressed
Pressured to seep into your grounded disposition -
All that's left.
So you read me
And find that blank pages seem colourful
When, for so long, the pages were missing

I'm not careless
To chase the happiness that left me fearless
Or dwell on the chafed regret
That swells in my chest.
So you leave me
And find that blank pages become coloured
When, for so long, she'd recovered the missing.

Let's shake the shade
I know you've been tired
I'm rundown from running uphill
But when we reach that sunshine spot
We'll sit down and get to know each other again.

Sometimes I feel like my body is aching to just jump up and act on its own accord. I honestly wouldn't deny it. Right now, I'm running on impulse, and it feels fantastic!

The family and I took a trip to Trout River today. I learned a lot of things, and when I say a lot, I mean a lot. Not just about the place, but about my mother, and about myself. My mother and I never really had a close relationship, so she never really spoke to me about really personal things like her feelings. Well, as we're driving to Trout River, about an hour and a half away from my new home, she continues to tell me how this place will hold a special place in her heart... Because she met the love of her life there, and that, though she feels he was a missed opportunity, she shared the happiest days of her life there. So I walked into this town (for the second time), feeling a bit more spiritually connected. This man's mother still lived here, and since my aunt and uncle lived there for a good portion of their lives, with my mom going over to visit often, my grandpa and mother knew a few of the people still living in the town. They wandered off to find those people, so that's when my brother and I spotted, in the distance, a nice, large cliff we were determined to climb.

The pictures above are pretty self-explanatory. The view was absolutely breath-taking. There were a collection of cliffs along the shoreline that were made available for tourists to explore, so my brother and I took every inch of that right and milked it. We first stopped at a smaller cliff, checking over the edge to see what kind of view waited for us at the bottom. Crystalline ocean, crashing against aged rock, making that sound that could soothe anybody if you care to listen. I was surprised to find that him and I had spent moments, without knowing, standing there staring without a word or an exchange of glance. We were reminded of the remaining family waiting down at the little town below, and continued our trek over and upwards. Somewhere along a thin, undefined path, we were slightly cut off by a group of four wild sheep, grazing. They hardly paid us any mind, as we tiptoed past, moving towards the climb that would help us to reach our desired cliff.
When we finally reached the threshold - the visible paths ended, I found myself sinking to my knees, and taking a moment to sit and stare. I had never felt so overwhelmed before, by beauty and self-fulfillment. Somehow, I kind of feel like reaching that cliff was my way of reminding myself that I'm okay. And I felt it, 100% at that point.

The trek back, as always, was half the time, and my mother, grandpa and mother's love-of-her-life's mother were waiting for us on the boardwalk. We shared dinner at a sea-side restaurant and had conversation. This woman took a liking to me, and I to her. She was so friendly, and so kind - the kind of person you rarely find in this day and age. When she smiled, her eyes smiled with her, and you could tell that she was genuinely feeling and believing what she was saying, with every slurred, Newfie-accented word. I enjoyed myself thoroughly.

Now home, I suffer from extreme exhaustion, and slight nausea from a bit of a sunburn, but I still feel more refreshed than I have in a long while. I think I just might have found my secret renewal spot.